As we step into the final days of the year, many of us pause to reflect on the moments that made us smile and the ones that left us hurting. Among those moments, it’s often the conflicts in our closest relationships that linger in our hearts. These disagreements cut deep, not because we hate the people involved, but because we love them. Strangely, it’s not the absence of love that creates these conflicts but the way love is given—or received—that causes misunderstandings.
Take, for example, a wife and a mother who both deeply love the same man—a husband to one, a son to the other. The mother may shower him with care, worrying about his health, his meals, and his comfort, while the wife might focus on encouraging him to grow, to take risks, and to make decisions for their family. Neither of them lacks love, but the way they express it pulls him in two different directions. The wife might feel the mother is too controlling, while the mother might feel the wife pushes him too hard. Their love clashes, not because they don’t care, but because they care differently.
Or consider a father and his two children. One child loves him by doing what’s best for him, like making sure he eats healthy meals and rests on time. The other child, wanting to keep him happy, indulges his wishes, whether it’s sneaking him sweets or letting him stay up late. Both children love their father, but their love looks different. The first child might feel frustrated that the second is harming their father’s health, while the second might feel the first is too strict and unkind. In their efforts to love, they end up misunderstanding and hurting each other.
This is the heart of so many conflicts. It’s not hate that drives people apart—it’s love that doesn’t align. When we love someone, we often believe we know what’s best for them, or we expect them to love us in the way we understand best. But love is not the same for everyone. Each person expresses and receives love differently, shaped by their experiences, beliefs, and feelings. When these differences clash, we start to feel misunderstood, unappreciated, or even hurt.
But the truth is, conflicts like these are a sign that the relationship matters. We don’t argue or feel upset with people we don’t care about. The disagreements arise because we want to be seen, to be heard, and to be valued. And sometimes, it’s because we want the other person to be happy—even if we can’t agree on what that happiness should look like.
As this year ends, maybe we can look at these conflicts with new eyes. Instead of thinking, “Why don’t they understand me?” we can ask, “What does their love look like, and why?” Instead of feeling hurt by their actions, we can try to see the care behind them. It’s not easy, but love never is. It takes patience, kindness, and the willingness to see beyond our own perspective.
So as we step into a new year, let’s carry this thought with us: Conflicts are not about love failing—they’re about love trying. They show us where we need to grow, to listen, and to understand. And if we can do that, we might find that these moments of disagreement don’t pull us apart but bring us closer, teaching us what it truly means to care.
Regards,
Komel Chadha
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